Why Should We All Feel Sorry for American Moms?

When I first joined Facebook, the site was filled with photos of my friends’ college antics: climbing the university’s forbidden towers, throwing tortillas off a local suspension bridge, and fervently cheering on our rather hopeless football team. As the years have flown by and my friends have settled (whatever that means), the photos have changed: radiant brides in flowy white dresses, proud couples clutching a realtor’s SOLD sign, scrunched up newborns carefully posed in cozy knit blankets.  These heartwarming posts would bring a smile to anyone’s face.

Unfortunately, in addition to these sweet scenarios, I have noticed a much darker vignette popping up all too often on my social media feeds. A young mother–infant in her arms, lips curved slightly in a forced smile, sorrow in her eyes. “Tomorrow I must return to work,” she writes, “I am trying to soak up all the cuddles while I can.” Or “This is my last day with my baby. I’m trying to hold it together. #notreadytogoback”.

Photo credit: Oleksandr Pidvalnyi, pexels.com

Beneath the photo are the comments. Friends and family trying to encourage the young mother: “Your baby will get used to the daycare in no time. He won’t even know you’re gone!” “It will be hard at first, but you’ll soon get back into the swing of things.” Humans are adaptable. I suppose it is true that the moms and babies will move on and get used to their new normal—the whirr of the breast pump, the goodbye cries each morning, the caregiver’s reassuring words each afternoon that the crying was short-lived. We can adapt. We are strong and resilient. But must it be this way?

The United States is the only developed country in the world that does not provide any paid parental leave whatsoever. In fact, even the vast majority of developing nations provide some form of paid maternity leave for working mothers. The only exceptions in the UN, other than the United States, are Suriname, Papua New Guinea, and a few Pacific Island countries.

Try to remember the last time you saw an advertisement for some sort of poverty-alleviating charity.  Imagine the dirty, wide-eyed child walking through a slum, holding hands with a white man asking for your donations to help feed her. This is how these commercials usually go, isn’t it? Now picture this: if her mother happened to be working in that country (whatever country it is) before she was born, she was legally required to receive some sort of financial support after the birth of the child. I am not saying this to diminish the plight of families in developing nations. Obviously, parents living in a slum probably are not able to work at jobs which would provide the benefit of paid leave. But the laws on the books in these countries at least offer the semblance of a social net helping to protect new mothers.  If even the most destitute nations on this planet have written such laws, why can’t the United States do so as well?

Photo credit: Renato Danyi, pexels.com

My blog was created as a place for me to share my thoughts on what it is like to raise a child in Germany. The parental leave available here is one of the most striking differences to parenthood in the USA. I am almost scared to write about this topic, because my goal is not to upset my American readers. I know that many of you have had no choice but to return to work at 6 or 8 or 12 weeks postpartum. I know that it was certainly not easy. I don’t want to rub my rosy reality in your face. I just want to show that there are alternatives that actually do work in other countries. I want to encourage you to make your voices heard and contact your politicians to see what they are doing to make things better for you and other parents like you. I don’t believe that this needs to be a partisan issue. Republican and Democratic women alike are all still recovering from those damn tears and stitches and dealing with leaky boobs and mastitis and wacky hormones at 6 weeks postpartum. No one should have to go to work in that state. We also shouldn’t be required to use our sick days and vacation days and disability insurance to cover this time period. That is not the intended use of these programs. Giving birth is not akin to having a cold, going to the beach, or being paralyzed. Any politician claiming to stand for “family values” should have paid maternity leave at the top of his or her to-do list.

So, to get to the point, how are things in Germany?

I already wrote about the measures Germans take to protect pregnant working women, so today we’ll just look at what happens starting with the baby’s birth. For the first 8 weeks after a baby is born, the mom is in Mutterschutz (literally translated: mother protection). She receives her full salary during this time. It is partially paid for by her employer and partially by her health insurance company. Women are legally not allowed to work during the baby’s first 8 weeks of life, even if they want to (newsflash: in the first 8 weeks after giving birth, no one wants to return to work.) This period of protection is rightfully extended to 12 weeks for parents of twins and premature babies.

Following the mandatory Mutterschutz period, women (and men!) have the option to take parental leave (Elternzeit), up until the child’s third birthday. This means a mom can tell her employer that she would like to stay home until her child is three years old. As long as her work contract was not set to expire before then, the employer is required to welcome her back to the company in three years’ time.

Up until the baby’s first birthday, the parent taking leave will receive a portion of her previous salary from the government. This is known as Elterngeld (parent’s money).  If she had been earning well prior to the birth, she will receive 65% of her previous salary. Parents with a smaller income could receive up to 100% of their previous salary. Moms who were not working prior to the birth (because they were studying or staying home with their older children, for example) also receive money: 300 Euros per month until the baby’s first birthday. There are more flexible options available for parents who would like to work part-time or who would like to split the parental leave between themselves. In this case they might receive a smaller amount of pay for a longer time period than the typical 12 months.

Photo credit: Mohammad Danish, pexels.com

In addition to the parental leave money that parents are entitled to during the baby’s first year, parents also receive a monthly payment called Kindergeld (children’s money) beginning with the baby’s birth and lasting until at least the child’s 18^th birthday (it can last until age 25 if the young adult is studying or unemployed). In 2019 this is set for 204 Euros per child for the first and second child, and a bit more for subsequent children. The purpose of Kindergeld is to ensure that no child grows up in Germany without its most basic needs being met.

If a family is lucky enough to live in the state of Bavaria, they will also receive 250 Euros per month as Familiengeld (Family money), from the child’s 13^th-36^th month, regardless of income and whether or not the parents work.

As you might expect, this all adds up quite nicely. I did some math to figure out (roughly) how much money a German mom with a modest salary who is taking parental leave might earn during the child’s first year of life. I then compared it to how much money a Texan mom with a similar salary would earn during that year. Here’s a chart that sums up my findings:

*Calculated using this website: https://www.brutto-netto-rechner.info/, then rounded
**Calculated using this website: https://familienportal.de/familienportal/rechner-antraege/elterngeldrechner
***You actually receive Kindergeld for a much longer period than 12 months.
†Calculated using this website: https://smartasset.com/taxes/texas-paycheck-calculator#07PU08U9qa, and including $300 per month for health insurance, then rounded
††I chose not to include any paid sick days, vacation time, or disability leave that the mother might have saved up, because these aren’t specifically intended to cover maternity leave. The German benefits that I included in my calculations were specifically designed to support parents and children.

In addition to forfeiting all of her pay, an American mom who stays home for a year will have given up her job permanently, as her employer is certainly not required to hold her position for a year (or three!). She will likely have difficulty returning to the workforce when she decides that she is ready to do so.

Yes, Germans have higher taxes than Americans. I feel that these taxes are justified, however, because they have a direct, positive impact on the average person’s quality of life. Of course, even with raised taxes, it would be naive to think that the US could establish the same exact system that is in place in Germany. But that doesn’t mean we should complacently accept the status quo, silently allowing mothers and babies to suffer. It is particularly sobering to read that the US is falling further behind in the rankings of maternal mortality. We have the worst rate of maternal deaths in the developed world. Surely there must be a connection between this statistic and our abysmal maternity leave policies. Even if we can’t set up a system that pays parents to stay home for a year, like the German one, maybe we could at least start with 12 weeks. The FMLA already provides women working for larger companies the right to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. Maybe we could reduce spending somewhere else to provide compensation for those 12 weeks. It would at least be a start. Something to build on.  Let’s join the rest of the world in mandating paid maternity leave. Continuing to trudge along without it is an affront not only to hardworking parents, but to the next generation—our nation’s future.